Do People Know That You Value Them?


While walking into the gym tonight a cute girl stopped me and said, “I really like your shirt! Especially because of the team on it!” I responded, “Yeah, Duke is pretty awesome! Haha.” She proceeded to let me know that she was a HUGE fan. That is a pretty rare compliment to receive in the Commonwealth of Kentucky….but what seems to be more rare these days is giving value to others.

While probably just being herself that girl lifted me up when I was dragging through the day. Most people just drift through life in the own ways, hoping to be noticed. We live in a “look at me and validate me” society, so it isn’t surprising that many people go unnoticed or feel undervalued. Relationship problems are ALL TOO COMMON and if you scan through your newsfeed on Facebook you’ll find someone venting about how women or men suck!

Did you ever think that maybe YOU suck? Not as an overall person, but in terms of valuing other people.

Most people have a hard time stopping and reflecting about life. They hate that “life lessons” are not like school lessons. In life, you are tested, then given the lesson. For most people that is unfair…Ce La Via (such is life).

Reflection turns experience into insights

People who are well liked and have successful relationships know that statement to be a fact. They’re known to dedicate 10 -30 minutes of their day reflecting on how they made a difference, not just for themselves, but for others. Chances are that someone knows what it is like not to be valued. Rather than making others hear about it, they do something about it. They put their ego and hurt feelings aside and they ask themselves some tough questions.

They wanted to be successful and they learned that one path is to become a “go-giver” versus a “go getter”. Some of the questions they asked themselves are below.

Do I value others?

Asking this question is the start. Writing down the response may be different than the response you think of when you hear the question.

Do people know I value them?

This one is BIG….think about how many times you hear people say “I wish so & so knew how I felt!” ” I wish they were still alive  so I could tell them I value them!” If you know that you care about these people then why aren’t you letting them know?

Am I a plus or minus in that relationship?

Are you a taker more than a giver? Is every phone call about you and what great things you want to share with them? If they share news with you do you share something on top of that? If so, the relationship maybe positively one-sided.

Who in my life should I take the time to thank?

Remember your third grade teacher who encouraged you to run track? How about the family member who helped keep your spirits up during a tough time? Did you thank them? Do you wonder about an old college or high school buddy?

Who in my life should be getting more of my time?

Your significant other? Your best friend? You mom who is battling dementia? Only you know the answer to these questions,


Serving others adds value to them and YOU

When you’re adding value to others you are creating a future that is favorable to you. They will remember how you made them feel and because you invested in them, they’re more than likely going to invest in you.

Helping others get what they want will help you to get what you want. Lifting someone’s self esteem is great. If you’re feeling bad about things or yourself at some point, go and help another person out. It’s hard to feel bad about yourself when  you’re helping others feel good about themselves!

Today, I was also reminded of some one who shared quality time with others and spoke greatly…albeit in a funny way of them. That person is Charlie Murphy.

Charlie appeared on Chappelle’s Show frequently in the early 00’s. He told grand stories of times with Rick James, his brother, Eddie Murphy and Prince. We all spent days and months….even years quoting the lines. “Hey, Charlie Murphy!” “What do you five fingers say to the face!?” “SLAP” Chappelle as Rick James said.

Charlie Murphy was a great story teller. It wasn’t because he was a comedian or that he made the story about himself. It was how he gave value to the people that meant a lot to him and that is another reason why he is remembered fondly today. Hopefully Prince has some pancakes waiting for him up above…


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